your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We are two peas in an std pod
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
