i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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