Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
