I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
