I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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