You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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