Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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