Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
