I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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