I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
