He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
