So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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