your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
