I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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