Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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