I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Come on in and take your pants off
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