I just pynch a tree in the face
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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