HIV tests are more positive than that guy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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