he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
worst night to have a conscience
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
