also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
