i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
