As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
