I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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