I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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