im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
