Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
