I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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