He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
