mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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