Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
