But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
