would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
