I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
