i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
