girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
