I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
