Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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