He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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