His pubic hair was longer than his dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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