that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
