Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
