Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
