Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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