I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
