on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
