Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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