my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
