So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I will be naked everywhere
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
