my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
