TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
