Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The struggles of a small town man whore
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
