I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
