dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
