Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Farmville is her only friend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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