The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
