One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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