To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
