I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
