I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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