i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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