I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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