wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
